well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
