I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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