who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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