So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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