WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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