Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I will be naked everywhere
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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