Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
