I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
the day after is always just damage control
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
