That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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