i was born a porn star she said
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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