When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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