Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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