its not stalking. its research.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
only if we run a train.
done.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
