Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
