I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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