I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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