It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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