There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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