Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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