Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
