hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
actually, I'm a sock model
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
