u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
