Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
