i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
