new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
