okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
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