farters have to be the big spoon...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
