your room smells of hookers.
And success
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
