carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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