hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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