He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
