Your dad touched me again.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
