There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
