I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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