the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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