I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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