Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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