Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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