I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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