four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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