Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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