Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
