I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
