i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
