twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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