What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
