Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
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