he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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