You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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