I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
